he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
