Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
