saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
