Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
