Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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