I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
