Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
