I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He had one of those small greek statue penises
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
