do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
