I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
