You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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