ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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