just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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