She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
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remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
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Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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