I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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