i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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