He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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