I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
