OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
