Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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