Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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