Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
