I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
