Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
sex in a hospital.. check
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
