Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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