whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
