I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
