my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
