I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
