I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize
