im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
