I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
