her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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