You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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