stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
