Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
