ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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