I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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