he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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