this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Holy shit dude........stairs
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
