In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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