I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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