I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
