She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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