What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Welp...herpes.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
