Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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