dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
