Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
