I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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