Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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