you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
pop tarts are not kleenex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
BRING THE BAGELS
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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