Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
