So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
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Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
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You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
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