i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize