He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
