Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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