I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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