You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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