i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize