I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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