this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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