I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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